Special Report From the West Side

Our radio signals recently picked up a transmission from a faraway land across the river called SW Virginia. It has been years since contact has been made with cats in this area, and we know readers are curious about what goes on in a society completely foreign to our own. Here’s what we learned:

o   An economic specialist named Gummy reports that “head scritches are down 36% this quarter” and he is requesting a formal complaint with the board of directors. Good for Gummy!

o   Local cats are calling for a special committee to be assembled to address increased raccoon activity in the area. Fascinating! This is an advanced society.

Despite our vast cultural and dialectal differences, these updates may resonate with our SE Portland readers. As it turns out, our experiences are not entirely unique.

Thank you to our readers Jay (Hugo and BK) and Matthew and Gummy (International report) for their contributions to these important stories.